American Dreams

Imagine if you could "trade in" your current home, and upgrade to something bigger and better? Simply by selling the house you live in now, you could receive a gorgeous new home, in one of the most prestigious neighborhoods in the state and be required to make no further payment.

Your home would have more space than you know what to do with, both inside and out - and it would come with all of the accoutrements like 2.5 acres of professionally landscaped property, state-of-the-art kitchen, finished basement with wet bar, an in-the-ground swimming pool... and your children would get to attend the best school system in the area. You wouldn't have to pay a dime for this home other than the trade-in; it would be yours for the taking and you could move your entire family in right away.

And let's just say, for the sake of this story, that your current home is respectable yet modest, situated in a peaceful yet fairly nondescript neighborhood. So by all means, you'd consider this move an upgrade and major improvement in your life.

It sounds like a fairy tale come true, doesn't it? But yet when you look more closely, you realize that this picture-perfect vision of the ideal home and life for you and your family comes with some drawbacks.

1. Your husband is currently out of work.

The new area where you'll be living does not offer much in the way of job opportunities. His choices, if he found some feasible options, would be to accept a job in the local area that pays less than what he was making before, or endure an hour-plus commute back to the area where he was formerly working. If he commutes, he'll have far less time to enjoy the new place with all of its luxury amenities. If he works locally, he'll have far less money to put into such pursuits.

2. You will be uprooting the kids from their current schooling situation.

Your children are settled, comfortable, happy, and doing extremely well in the school where they currently attend. If you move them, they will be forced to make new friends and adjust to the rules, attitudes and atmosphere of a strange and unfamiliar school. They will live in a neighborhood of sprawling properties where lives are more private, children aren't generally seen playing outside, and there is just less of a chance that a kindly neighbor will be "keeping an eye out" for their welfare and protection.

3. Financially, you are not in the best position to shoulder the added expenses.

Your new home, with all of its conveniences and features, will cost much more to maintain than you feel comfortable spending. Your current heat runs on gas fuel, and if you move, you will be covering the high cost of oil heat. You can also add central air conditioning, keeping the pool filled, clean and heated; keeping the lawn mowed and the many trees and shrubs fertilized, weeded and pruned, not to mention winterizing and snow removal, to the list of expenditures. All of this, and much more about your new home, will be burning a hole in your pocket faster than you can say "McMansion in suburbia."

4. Your new neighbors are all well off and work high paying jobs.

You, on the other hand, work part-time at a desk job while swapping the child-rearing and home maintenance responsibilities with your husband, who does manual labor. Your new neighbors live by a higher standard than you are used to and can comfortably deal with. You will be faced with many social invitations that you must be forced to either accept with great discomfort or politely refuse, and your children will be beckoned to a lifestyle that is, quite honestly, out of your price range and comfort zone. As they grow into teenagers, the added pressure to buy fine quality, brand-name clothes, attend expensive summer camps, purchase the latest techno gadgets, entertainment, gaming systems, and yes, eventually their own cars, will continue to mount.

Now imagine, that after sizing up the situation and coming up short in many areas, you begin to realize that you're actually extremely happy in your current home and community. You have enjoyed many simple pleasures and become close friends with many of the neighbors. Sure, your humble little abode with its peeling paint on the shutters and postage-stamp sized backyard might leave something to be desired for someone who seeks more status than you do. But right now, this feels like home to you. It's something that you yourself worked hard to attain; it's the fruit of your labor and it fits your lifestyle perfectly.

You do not want to move the children to a new school, you'd much rather have the "laid back and lived-in" feeling of your current, smaller home. Your neighbors, a mix of aging seniors, young, first-time homeowners, and middle-income families, suit you just fine; the atmosphere is friendly and welcoming.

So what if, after all of this consideration, weighing of options and budget balancing, you politely refuse the offer for an amazing home. And then what if the person who offered it to you (who happens to be your father), tells you that they would really prefer that you make this life change, because they have a wonderful vision that your sister will be moving into the same, wealthy neighborhood, and it will all be paid for and taken care of, and all you'll have to do is look out for your sister who needs someone to lean on, and manage the living expenses sans mortgage.

I've taken the trouble to draw you into this story because it's a true one, and currently happening to someone who I know. The outcome remains to be seen; but to me, the real-life fairy-tale-about-to-come-true contains several important messages about life and happiness. The lessons that I take from this are:

More often than not, "the good life" involves some type of major trade-off. In this story, it's the swap of a lesser home for a more expensive and grandiose one; but it's also a trade-off of freedom of choice for a pre-determined life and lifestyle.

Material wealth is not necessarily the route to happiness. For many, lifestyles of the rich and famous may suit them just fine; but for many more, an "average" but fulfilling existence holds much more promise of contentment.

It's more about personal comfort than physical comfort. Some might warm to the idea of that heated backyard pool, but others would find the added upkeep and expense more of a headache and hassle than it's worth. On the surface, being invited to trendy social engagements at posh restaurants and formal dinners might seem glamorous; but what if you're the kind who feels at ease manning the grill at a casual backyard barbecue?

When others pay our way, we put the controls in their hands. At the time of this writing, it is unknown whether this real-life family will take Grand-dad up on his generous offer. And indeed, this would be tempting for many. But already the story comes with conditions; the family will be expected to live in THIS particular home, in a pre-chosen neighborhood, within close proximity to a relative who will likely make certain demands. It is highly likely that the couple whose home is paid for will feel heavily indebted to, and obligated toward, the person who has funded their living situation.

If your gut tells you to be scared, there's probably a good reason.

There are a lot of what-ifs in this story; what if the husband isn't able to find good work to cover the bills? What if Mom ends up having to work full-time and then feels pressured to pay for childcare? What if the two families argue in such close quarters? What if the house proves to be far too grand of an investment? What if the family is forced to resell, pack it in and start over for a third time... how will this affect everyone in the long run? Being open to new ideas is one thing, but being foolhardy is another. Listen to your head and heart before making life-altering decisions like the one presented here.

Many people would snap up an opportunity like this one if it came along; but many more would recognize that moving to a bigger home that makes for bigger living, also comes with bigger demands and expectations to live up to. And for those people, it would be about living up to someone else's ideal and making a lifestyle choice that's meant for someone else's happiness and not their own.

Although it gleams on the surface, there is a LOT of sacrifice to be made in this fairy tale - and that's entirely common. But someone who may have never felt on financially secure ground might feel dazzled by the promise of a better life for their children. And what they might fail to see is that what they've already provided their children with is more than enough to offer them a happy, healthy and well-adjusted life.

In life, things aren't always as they seem, and prestige often comes with a price tag.

When life-changing opportunities present themselves in your world, what path do you choose, and why?